Outside the Role of Holder

I was recently asked who I am outside the role of Holder, and the question stopped me in my tracks.

It’s an important question for any therapist, coach, or guide to ask themselves. I had brushed up against it before, but it was always easy to return to a familiar default: It’s just who I am.

And while I do believe that being a space holder, healer, and guide is a significant part of my identity and purpose on this earth, I’ve also come to see how easily it can become a prison.

Much of my work with others involves helping them recognize the dynamics and energies shaping their lives, and supporting them to reclaim their role as sovereign, autonomous beings—creating space for deeper parts of themselves to emerge. What follows is not theory, but my own lived experience of going deeper within myself.

Grace and compassion come naturally to me. They are not strategies; they are states I inhabit. The lessons I’ve had to learn, however, are when to say enough is enough. How to hold boundaries even when it feels deeply uncomfortable. How to walk away from dynamics and relationships where I am not met with the same grace and compassion I offer so freely.

Because of this natural orientation toward grace, being a space holder is, in many ways, effortless for me. But recently, a part of me surfaced that I had not fully acknowledged or allowed to be seen: my Inner Rebel.

My Inner Rebel is the one who knows when enough truly is enough. They are willing to walk away. They hold a visceral disgust for humanity’s persistent falling short of the divine—and say, I don’t want to engage unless we’re meeting at this level. Sometimes that level is real. Sometimes it’s shaped by the ego in all its illusory ways.

The Rebel exists alongside grace and compassion, yet is rarely given permission to speak. To say: I don’t want to hold this. I’m done. This isn’t mine to carry. To push away what I’ve been holding out of conditional acceptance or a mediocre sense of belonging.

For a long time, this part worked behind the scenes in my psyche. The result was fatigue. Exhaustion. Split focus. A constant internal tug-of-war—between my ambition to create and empower, and my inner child who simply wants to exist and be held by the Universe.

My Rebel finally spoke clearly: I am the one who gives you the freedom to choose whether you operate from truth and love, or from false obligation and duty. One leads you toward who you are becoming. The other leads to resentment and stagnation.

So now I’ve begun the work of integration—the work of welcoming back the part of me I once exiled. Of being honest about when I do not want to hold space. Of recognizing when I’ve reached my edge and need to push away in order to move deeper toward myself.

I am not a master. I am a practitioner—one who is deepening his craft, sharpening his gifts, and building a bridge between intuition and intellect. I help others stop overthinking, find clarity among their inner parts, and listen for what God / the Universe / Source is asking of them.

I believe we are sovereign beings, made in the image of the divine. And that the deeper we go within ourselves, the more heaven we bring to earth.

If this resonates, you’re welcome to follow along, reach out, and—most importantly—continue showing up for yourself.

With love,

Matthew